"

I didn't mean to hurt you..."

TEEN DATE ABUSE PROJECT

Teen dating violence is what happens in a teen dating relationship when one person uses abuse to gain power and keep control over their partner. This abuse can be physical, emotional, or sexual

The prevalence of teen dating violence and abuse is astonishing. Research indicates that 50% of 18-year-old women have experienced abuse in at least one dating relationship, and more than one in four teenagers have faced violence in a dating relationship. Ninety-five percent of reported abuse is male violence toward females. However, abuse can happen in many types of relationships, between boyfriends and girlfriends, as well as in gay or lesbian relationships.

Unfortunately, due to peer pressure and isolation, teens tend to have a higher tolerance for accepting these abuses, often believing that these actions validate their love or bond for each other. Additionally, they lack clear direction on how to handle abusive situations, seek help, terminate the relationship, and enhance the quality of healthy relationships. Often, these teens themselves are from families where domestic violence is common. However, teen dating violence can happen to anyone no matter where they live, or what kind of home they come from.

This project aims to raise awareness and reduce the incidents of teen dating violence and abuse. This project also empowers teen-aged youth to "give back to the community" by becoming role models in the fight against dating abuse and violence and sharing the information they have with their peers.

ARE YOU IN AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP?
Take this quiz and see.

	Are you afraid of the person you're going out with?
	Does your partner call you names, put you down, embarrass you, make you feel stupid, or tell you that you can't do anything right?
	Does your partner say that no one else would ever go out with you?
	Does your partner make decisions for you?
	Does your partner tell you where you can and can't go or who you can and can't talk to?
	Does your partner tell you what you can wear?
	Are you afraid of how your partner will react to what you say or do?
	Does your partner's jealousy stop you from doing or saying things?
	Does your partner accuse you of flirting or sleeping around?
	Do you feel if you say no to sexual activities that your partner will get angry and hurt you?
	Do you feel pushed or forced into being sexual?
	Does your partner shove, grab, hit, pinch, hold you down or kick you? Are you afraid that he will?
	Is your partner really nice sometimes and really mean at other time (almost like he has two personalities)?
	Does your partner make frequent promises to change?
	Does your partner pretend that he never hurt you? Or does he tell you that you are "making too big a deal" out of it?
	Does your partner say it's your fault when he hurts you?

If the answer is yes to any of these questions, you are in an abusive relationship.

"A person I know was in a destructive relationship. This person is in a private school. Her boyfriend always tried to control her in front of her friends. She told me that she wanted to break up, but she thought she could change him. But, instead of it getting better, it got worse. He started to hit her. She thought he wanted to kill her. After she was battered and bruised, she went to the police with her friends. Her ex-boyfriend is now serving time in prison. And, at last, she is free.."

Darkness, age 18

At the age of 15, I was involved in a seriously violent relationship. It started when I had been talking to a girl I used to call my Cheetah-she could run like the wind and also had a slap that brought wind, too. I thought the relationship was love until every day or most of the time, when we had an argument I would get slapped for no apparent reason. She slapped me, called me names, and would tell me she loved me whenever she had done something I didn't appreciate. The relationship continued for about ten months, but then I had had enough…

During the eleventh month, about two months after my grandmother passed away, I told Cheetah that I didn't want to be with her and she got mad at me. She got so upset, she said, "F*** you, your mother, and your dead grandmother!" The emotion and anger overtook my body and for the first time in my life I hit a girl - most of all I hit 'my Cheetah.' I felt wrong. I felt like God was going to send me to hell. And to make it worse, I felt a little better until she started to cry. I had never hit a girl in my life. I never meant to hurt her.

Jerome, age 15

I know this guy and we're friends. He's 19, and he was going with this girl who was 16. She was his first love. It got to the point where he loved her so much that he would get mad at her. He told me that one time he sent her to get a box of pizza, and she came home later than she should have. When she got home he grabbed her by the neck until she couldn't breathe and when he let her go, she fainted. There was also a situation when he pulled a gun on her and almost shot her. So, then he stopped and thought about it and told her he had to let her go, because he saw that he loved her so much that he might kill her.

Lisa, age 18

Tasha and her boyfriend, Fatboy have been going together since last February. During their relationship, Fatboy used to tell her, "Ooh, I love you" and other things that would make her feel good. She would go over to his house and they would play around. While playing around, Fatboy would hit her first in play but sometimes it became serious. She never told anyone. Finally, she got tired of being hit. It was wearing her down and she wanted to break up with Fatboy. He didn't want to. Every time he hit her she would cry. The more she cried the more he would hit her. They lived near each other and Fatboy wouldn't let her see any other boys because he said that he was still in love with her. She decided to go back with him. He felt good about getting back with Tasha, but he still didn't know how to act. He showed his love for her by kissing her hand. But he still played hard with her. They have broken up and have gotten back together several times.

Tasha, age 14

Sponsors

"

I didn't mean to hurt you..."

TEEN DATE ABUSE PROJECT