District 2, William H. Turner Technical Arts High School
Chris Kirchner's Class
Narratives by the students of Turner Tech.
Alice Dressler's Class Chris Kirchner's Class
John Smith, age 17
The first time I ever witnessed date violence was at the age of seven. I was over at a friend’s house for the weekend. During the night I awoke to the sound of muffled yelling through the wall. After a few minutes of yelling there was silence. Then the yelling resumed. There was the sound of something being hit followed by high pitched screaming and crying. Then the sounds became more defined as it traveled through the walls. “Shut up, you’ll wake the neighbors,” was heard coming through the wall. After about a half hour of yelling, screaming and crying which seemed to go on forever, it all subsided and I went back to sleep with the images permanently imprinted in the back of my head. What was happening was my friend’s sister’s boyfriend was being physically abusive to her. In the morning, my friend said that they always fight, but she loves him and doesn’t want to break up.
Kiki, age 18
I once witnessed a scene where the girl was picking on the guy. She was hitting and punching him. He warned her to stop, but she didn’t. Suddenly she slapped him just for fun and he slapped her back with all his might. She ended up in the hospital with a bruised face, a cut on her arm and a broken nose. That was the end of their romantic relationship.
Holla at a playa when you see me in the street, age 18
My family was at my grandparents’ house when all of a sudden a small gray car came flying down the street. My grandfather, seeing this, told me and my cousin to get out of the street. That is when I saw it – in the car, a young man and girl were fist fighting. The girl was frantically trying to get out of the car, but the guy wouldn’t let her. Somehow she got her foot on the brake and stopped the car. As soon as the car stopped, he beat her more. She got free and poked him in the eye. She got out of the car and ran to a neighbor’s house where she called the police. The young man sped off. When the police came she said that it was just an argument and that she wouldn’t press charges. She called up a friend to pick her up. She had a black eye.
21, age 17
I have an older sister who is in an abusive relationship that is sort of different. They both beat on each other. When my sister gets mad, she’ll pick a fight with him so that they can argue. Finally, after they argue a good while, someone will throw the first punch. My sister would then come home for a while, still mad. Then she would go back to him and do damage to his house. After five long years together, they have never gotten to the point where they have to call the police. She only got a couple of busted lips and eyebrows. All he got was a couple of broken windows and a messed up house. When she comes home, she still has anger stored within her, so when I would ask her something, she would fuss at me or ignore me. Sometimes, I wish she would have a happy life and I would think about how I could help her have a life without abuse. To sum it up, they are still together. I guess they’re in love, but love is also blind and it’ll take over your mind.
Wyclef, age 18
I know this couple, James and Carly. They’ve been going out for a couple of years. Last year, Carly and James had a baby together. Carly then dropped out of school. That’s when the name-calling began. James began to tell Carly that she was a loser and that the only reason that he is still with her is for the sake of the child. James also calls her stupid for quitting school and said that she would never amount to anything. After all the emotional abuse, Carly left James and got back into school. She began to feel better about herself.
Double-O Seven, age 18
I had a really good friend called Agent X. We went to a lot of places together, concerts, malls and movies. He was a laid back type of guy. He didn’t do drugs and he didn’t have anything against anyone. Then, he met Psycho. She was kind of cute, but her attitude was horrible. Psycho was into the whole gothic thing. She dressed in all black, pretended to hate everyone, did drugs, and acted like a jerk. She was always trying to boss everyone around and when she didn’t get what she wanted – well, that’s when she earned her nickname. Once Agent X started dating Psycho, she dragged him away from his friends. He started to dress in all black and even wore black makeup. When I spoke to him about it, he agreed that it was stupid to dress like that, but he didn’t stop. He started doing drugs and got into fights with people he used to like. Once he moved in with Psycho, I barely saw him. When I did see him, he was with Psycho and she did all of the talking for him. They have been dating for almost three years now. Everyone that knows them agrees that Psycho controls everything he does. Since Agent X is such a nice, shy and modest guy, he doesn’t have the courage to face Psycho and tell her how he really feels. Hopefully, one day, he will work up the guts to dump her, just like everyone has been advising him to do for almost three years now.
Virgilio, age 18
One Saturday morning at 2:00 a.m., I was coming out of work and I took my friend home. On the way to her house, in my car, we started to kiss. It got further than that and we had sex. After that, I would talk to her when I needed something more from her. Now everything has changed. I have my little mama. Everything I did with the other girls was just for fun. Now that I am in a real relationship, I really care for my little lady and hope nothing happens to my relationship with her. Sometimes I feel bad for the girls I had sex with before, but at that time I needed someone who is a “friend with benefits.”
Sandy, age 17
Jim and Jane were a very happy couple until the pressure started. Jim used to tell Jane how pretty she was and how he loved her so much. The day the pressure began, Jim and Jane were watching television. Suddenly Jim got the urge to kiss Jane and Jane didn’t mind. Then Jim started touching her in places that he had permission to, but that day Jane was not in the mood. Jane asked Jim to stop and said, “Maybe some other time.” Jim ignored her and kept on going, literally tearing Jane’s clothes apart. Jim was very aggressive and tightened his grip on Jane’s wrist to keep her down. Jane kicked Jim in his genitals and got up and left the house. Jim and Jane weren’t a happy couple after that. Jane stayed with him because she felt that he was the only person who could love her. Jane is still unhappy with Jim, but feels that one day the relationship will get better. The relationship now is dramatically more sexually abusive.
Shantel, age 17
My aunt was dating a guy that seemed nice. He would buy her nice things, give her money and take her places. All that changed after a couple of months. He stopped doing the nice things he used to do. He stopped working and started taking her money. She finally confronted him about it and he physically abused her. This went on for a couple of months until she finally asked my mother for help. We moved my aunt and her kids away from him and filed a police report. That got him put away in jail.
Alejandro Sanchez, age 17
While visiting my brother in Georgia, I heard arguing coming from outside the complex where he lives. I then saw this guy get on top of a girl and hit her. Nobody standing around tried to stop it. For some reason, it seems that type of abuse is common up there. The two then took their fight inside. Witnessing this abuse disturbed me. The guy looked as though he weighed about 250 pounds. She was skinny and didn’t have a chance. I feel that if you’re with someone, you should be able to accept them and deal with them in a way that is okay with both of them. If not, break up.
Maru, age 17
I could tell that Michelle was excited and anxious. Michelle was a virgin and she felt somewhat uncomfortable talking about sex. “He asked me if I’m ready. Should I go for it?” I responded, “If you have to question someone else about it, then perhaps you’re not ready.” We left it at that. The next time I spoke with her, she told me that it hurt a lot. She said that she began crying but he kept forcing her and told her that pain is normal. After a while, she said he got tired and annoyed and kicked her out. She later told me that another time when she wasn’t in the mood and he was, he wouldn’t stop, and he punched her. She keeps coming to me afterwards crying. I told her she needs to leave him. She didn’t until she was completely tired and bruised. When she finally got rid of him I felt relieved and happy that my best friend wasn’t going through all that pain anymore. She now shares a life with her boyfriend and is not at all uncomfortable or abused.
Yow Ming, age 17
My one-time friend Tommy was in an abusive relationship. He was the one doing the abusing. He abused his girlfriend Jenny physically and emotionally. I didn’t know it at the time, but it turned out that I knew Jenny at school. I didn’t say anything to her, but I suggested to Tommy to stop abusing her. He said that he knows that he has a problem and that it was hard to stop. They seemed to work things out for a while, then a few months later Jenny came to school with bruises on her arm. I asked her what happened and she said that she got into a fight. I was suspicious and found out that Tommy was abusing her again. I asked Jenny why she allows Tommy to abuse her. She said that she loves him and can’t see herself with anyone else. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I called the authorities and told the cops everything I know about Tommy and Jenny. Tommy is now behind bars and Jenny and I are now a couple. I treat her better and she is finally happy in a relationship.
Taurus, age 18
Why do we need “relationships” when we can have “friends with benefits?” It’s so much easier. There is no emotional connection, but all the fun. I have been in love. She was the daughter of one of the elders in my church. Her father did not approve of me. We hid our relationship for 8 months until he found out and tried to break us up. We didn’t listen to him. The third time we were caught together, I was banished from speaking to her. I played the invisible man for a month to let things cool down. During that time, she met someone that Daddy Dearest approved of. They’ve been together now for two years. Their relationship is nothing but controlling attitudes and emotional abuse. My church friends told me that her boyfriend stopped her from going to an all-girls trip to the mall, since he couldn’t go. They both radiate unhappiness. You can’t help but feel sorry for them. But not me! I get sick pleasure out of them being miserable. But if he ever crosses the point and hurts her physically, I will be like the shadow of death and take his life.
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, age 17
I have a friend who had bad luck with the ladies and was desperately in search of a soul mate. When he finally met someone special, he let himself get out of control. The girl just saw him as a friend but he took it the wrong way. He saw what he wanted to see. As time went on, the relationship became abusive. The guy would call the girl every day and stalk her. She didn’t know how to tell him to leave her alone because she was afraid of him. The girl tried to ignore the boy but this only made him more aggressive. One day she asked one of her male friends to pretend to be her boyfriend in order to get rid of the guy. When the guy saw what was going on, he bought a gun and shot the girl and her fake boyfriend. In my opinion, the whole situation could have been avoided if the girl had let the guy know how she felt from the start. This horrible incident came about from a lack of communication.
Shrimp Fried Rice, age 17
It started with the common attraction between two teens. They both seemed perfect for each other. After a few dates they became a couple. Then things began to change. They would argue over the dumbest things. Then he used his fist against her face as a form of anger. After that, the couple split and went their separate ways. The point is to get out when you can – don’t stick around for more abuse.
Birdman Burr, age 17
I witnessed a couple that had abuse problems. When they first started to date, the boy was good to his girl. Then, deep into the relationship he started changing. The boy started to criticize what she said. If the couple had a discussion on a topic and the girl would be right, the couple would ask some people what they thought. If the other people agreed with the girl, the boy would switch it around and say that that’s what he told her and make her feel bad in front of them. If the boy had a problem and couldn’t figure out a way to solve it, and the girl tried to help, he wouldn’t accept it, but later when she wasn’t around, he would use her suggestion. In that relationship, it is like a dictatorship. She might be scared to leave the relationship.
Burnes, age 18
I know guys that pretend to be in a relationship, but they are only there for sexual pleasure. They would call the girl whenever they wanted to have sex, but afterwards the girl wouldn’t hear from them. I had a friend who would go to the girl’s house or go out with her just for sexual pleasure. The girl wouldn’t realize that because she likes him. I think the girl is being abused because my friend was using her. I remember one day at a party she found him kissing another girl and she came over to my house crying and telling me how much she likes him. I had to tell her the truth. She wouldn’t believe it or accept that she was being emotionally abused.
Ricky Dicky, age 18
Outside of Club Rebel I witnessed abuse. A young lady, no older than 23 was accosted by what I thought was a stranger. He grabbed her by the elbow, turned her completely around, and when they were face to face and she was about to say something, he slung his arm backwards and punched her in the face. She instantly dropped to the concrete. It turned out that the guy was her boyfriend.
Shorty, age 17
Cindy had a secret crush on a guy named John. He knew this but never told her he knew. While Cindy was walking with her friends, they saw John’s car. John pulled up beside her and asked her where she was going. Her friends kept on walking, leaving Cindy alone to talk to John. John told Cindy that he had something for her and that he was on his way home. He invited her to go with him. She got into his car and they drove off. When they got to John’s house, Cindy wasn’t sure what to do, but she went inside with him. He said that he had to go up to his room to get the gift and Cindy went to his room with him. Once inside, John shut the door. They both sat down on the bed. That’s when John said, “You know what we really came here for.” Cindy got up and said, “No. I must go.” John then pushed her down and they wrestled for a while. She was able to defend herself until he started pulling her clothes off. Then she began screaming and fighting until she couldn’t anymore. John covered her face with a pillow and then began to rape her. Then, when John realized what he had done he got scared. He got up, made her get dressed and opened the door for her to leave. Cindy ran out crying and in pain. This was Cindy’s birthday and she never spoke about this incident or John again.
Mia, age 17
Who would have thought my first boyfriend would treat me like he did? Physical, mental and sexual abuse. You name it – he did it. At times all three at once. His strong arms that grabbed me, telling me I can say no all I want, yell and cry, but he was getting what he wanted and no one could do anything about it. He slammed my head on the headboard and ripped my clothes off. At 14, no one should have to go through that, let alone at any age. These images will never leave my mind, yet people tell me to move on. I do things at my speed. The part that caused the most damage was holding it in for months. It caused me to hit rock bottom. I had fights with my family, and attempted suicide twice. I finally told my mom, my trust counselor, my friends and two of my teachers. A huge weight was lifted off of me. I shared the pain and it eased the tension. I still make mistakes, but I’m learning from them. I still think about him and what happened. I was date raped, but that’s not who I am anymore even though a piece was taken from my heart and soul and will never be returned. Nothing happened to him, but the higher power will handle that. I don’t forgive him, but what I finally did was forgive myself.
Witness, age 17
I am a witness to someone believing that emotional and physical violence is a characteristic of the “perfect relationship.” I witnessed the lonely nights when my relative, the victim, convinced herself that when he said “I’ll be home in an hour,” he must have lost track of the time. I am a witness to the numerous women that had the wrong number if you weren’t him on the other end. I witnessed the day he struck her when his pride clouded his judgment. I am a witness to her denial, her pain, and her determination to correct herself in order to better the crippled relationship. I witnessed her response when he said she was overweight and the consequences she would face if she wasn’t the supermodel he said he wanted. I am a witness to the swollen face when she told the woman with the wrong number to go to hell. I am a witness to the scar on her back when the “slave” finally escaped her “plantation.” I am a witness to how my auntie became a victim of love.
Miss V., age 17
I’ve witnessed a lot of abusive relationships, but the one that strikes me as the most significant was the relationship between my cousin and her ex boyfriend. My cousin Jade, who is now 28, was 17 when she met Chris. Jade is a beautiful, educated young woman, but she has very low self-esteem. I guess that’s why she got hooked up with Chris who was 31. They met at a party. She thought he was the sexiest older guy there. They started going out, but about three months into their relationship he started beating her. One night Jade went to a party with us and came home late. Chris was at home. He got drunk and he was pissed because he stayed up waiting for her. He beat her and raped her, and she got pregnant. The average person would think that was enough, but he continued to beat her so much she had a miscarriage. She finally got up the nerve and left him. She is now doing great for herself.
Tanzania, age 17
My friend Keisha and her boyfriend, Malik, had been going together for over two years. From the outside it looked like they were the perfect couple. But if you knew them personally, it was horrible. Keisha used Malik like a trophy to parade around in front of others. She made him drive her to different places, buy her lunch almost every day, and so on. Poor Malik. He was the nicest guy, and because he loved Keisha so much, he was willing to do anything for her. One day, Keisha was upset with Malik because he was about five minutes late in picking us up. She walked up to him, slapped him on the shoulder, and said, “Where the hell have you been?” I wanted to say something, but I didn’t feel that it was my place, so I stayed quiet. Eventually, Keisha and Malik broke up. Keisha has a new boyfriend who she treats almost the same way.
2224, age 18
Everything started one rainy night when my friend and I wanted to go to the movies with some girls. Everything was good. We went to the theater and then decided to go to a park. My friend and Lajaina, one of the girls, went to sit alone, and I stayed with another girl, Jessika, in the car. I had a feeling that Jessika liked me. Lajaina said that Jessika liked me and that I should make a move on her. I listened to Lajaina and tried to kiss Jessika, but Jessika said no and got mad at me. Jessika thinks I was trying to make her have sex with me, but it was not that. She didn’t believe me, so I decided not to talk to her anymore.
Daniela, age 18
My best friend and I went to a party and we met these two guys. Both looked cute, nice and respectful. They asked my friend and me to go on a double date and we agreed. On the date we went to eat and my date tried to kiss and hug me. The next day we all went out again and my date again tried to kiss me. My friend and I discovered that both these guys smoke and drink. My date told me that he uses drugs. My friend’s date was always on top of her. Days passed and my date told his friends that he was my boyfriend. I didn’t know this. Suddenly he acting like he could touch me. Two weeks passed and I didn’t call him. I didn’t like the fact that he smoked, drank and used drugs, and how he screams and says bad words. But my friend stayed with the other guy. They are still going out. They are always fighting over anything and screaming at each other. One day she bit him on the hand and wounded him. They always offend each other and he always plays like he is going to hit her. One day I tried talking to her about the symptoms of abuse, but she is blind. I don’t think she is in love with him, but she won’t break off with him. I don’t know why. Now we don’t talk anymore because I don’t like him, and she doesn’t like that.
Black Sage, age 17
Jason loved to flirt. He said it was his way of expressing his friendship to his female peers. Daina, however, took his flirting seriously and fell in love with him. Jason let Daina know that his behavior was not to be mistaken for a real romantic interest. Needless to say, Daina was hurt. Jason proceeded to verbally abuse Daina in an attempt to drive her away so that she would not interfere with his other relationships. But eventually, even after Jason had gone through several girlfriends, including Daina’s best friend, the two became a couple. The two seemed to be only sexually attracted to each other. Outside of kissing and other such activities, they barely communicated. I tried to warn Daina to act before her feelings were hurt. In the end, Jason destroyed the relationship and directed his emotions towards another girl which made Daina feel inferior. Although none of Jason’s relationships lasted any longer than a few weeks, with the exception of Daina, Daina had made a poor investment and was made to endure the consequences. But she didn’t have to endure them alone. You may not be able to save a friend from a bad relationship, but you can be there for them.
James, age 18
When I was younger I always talked to my sister’s friends and one of her friends told me, “Never get into a relationship.” She told me that her ex boyfriend used to mistreat her. I just thought that they fought. She told me that he used to yell at her. That once he cheated on her, and he used to make her think that it was her fault because she wouldn’t put out or dress sexy enough for him. He also used to flirt with other girls in front of her. She didn’t know what to do. She thought she was in love even though people (her friends) always told her how wrong he was for her. She didn’t see that. She saw when he was nice to her for a while. But also she realized that the relationship wasn’t good. She knew that if he loved her, he wouldn’t treat her that way. She finally got the courage to break up with him. Now she is doing better and her ex boyfriend is trying to get back with her. But she says NO!
Martir, age 17
About a year ago, I went to the movies with my friends. I was just watching the movie when a couple started arguing. The girl stood up and went to the hallway near the exit sign. She got really loud and everybody turned to the back. I was thinking that he had probably done something that she didn’t like while they were sitting down and she told him to stop or that he shouldn’t have done that. Finally, she just went out and left him alone. From the looks of it, they will not be going out anymore.
Tracy-Ann, age 17
I’ve witnessed several types of abuse in relationships. This girl I know jumps into one relationship after another. She doesn’t take a break. This girl tells her boyfriends what to do all the time. Maybe they are with her because they don’t have a mind of their own, or they don’t know how to say NO to her when she tells them to do something. Her boyfriends always have to take her home and give her money. I don’t think she loves any of the boyfriends she’s had. She just wants to be with someone all the time. She is abusive to her boyfriends by controlling them, and then when they go along with her, she breaks up with them, or they get mad at being bossed around and break up with her. But she always finds another boyfriend.