District 3, Pace Center for Girls-Workshop 1

Narratives by the students of the Pace Center for Girls.

Workshop 1                  Workshop 2

Michel, age 15

The Lonely Abused Young Girl

Sarah used to wake up in the morning crying,
When she asked god “why?” 
She never heard a reply.
Because Sarah didn’t follow god’s command.
She fell in love with an abusive man.
He abused her and left her with bruises
He didn’t care she was hurt, cause he does what he chooses.
He went to jail five times for domestic violence,
And every time she went to court, Sarah kept her silence. 
When he got out and came home he said “close the door. Next thing you hear is a loud thud on the floor.
Sarah got pregnant and had to go to a school called Cope.
In that school she got on serious dope – with him.



Kat, age 17

My group had ups but were mostly down
I knew something bad would come around.
But that day had to be on my day
To come home to hear fussing and fighting
To make me not want to be there in a way
And to hear my dad loudly crying.

The makers of me are now departed
Making me feel cold hearted.
Even though I knew this would happen very soon
But I care ‘cause they’ve been together for many years.

My father wants to kill himself
‘cause the sadness of love he has within his self.
He is searching for a cord,
Me, myself and I want to scream
And run out the door.
Watching him is hurting me
No more unhappiness is all he needs.

I will always stand by my dad until he leaves.
Even though it’s abusive to me to be watching
I will make sure I am somewhere in a tree

And if this happens to you 
Expect what’s coming,
‘Cause love hurts.
It can be abusive and make you sink in the dirt. 

Ms. Des, age 16

I trusted you and all you did was hurt me. 
Even now when I think about it, it still hurts me.
You say you love me, so why do you hurt me so much?
Our love is fading away. I can feel it in your touch. 
It’s just not fair how you treat me.
Ever since that day I lost my destiny.

*****

After being with you for three years I found out you were with someone else. I was so hurt that I went with your friend. Then you got angry and hit me for betraying you – but you betrayed me first. So we broke up. Even now when I think about you it hurts me because I still love you.

Mrs. Ray-Ray, age 16

Why must you hurt me?
What does it take for us to be?
Why do we always fuss and fight?
What does it take for us to get it right?
All the bruises and scars you put on me,
Led me to think back to reality.
I loved you so much
And I also loved your gentle touch.
Then you hit me.
That’s when I lost all my love for you.
That same night you decided to hit me with your shoe.
Why must you hurt me?
You hurt me not only emotionally, but also physically.
I told you I love you, you said you love me, too.
But you really don’t, you tell me when we argue.
The truth comes out when we’re mad even though afterwards I feel really bad.
You leave me to believe love was something we never had.
So you left me no choice but to get you out of my life.
I should have listened to my friend when she gave me her advice.
Ever since that day you have been messing up your life.
You were in a dope game and you got shot twice.
Now you have a choice to get killed or jail.
In this situation you can go straight to hell. 

Ayisha. Age 15

Jazzy was young
Doing her thing
Out there in the
Street.
“Grown”,
Decribes it all.
Fifteen with a boy seventeen.
Thing’s was going
Good then guess
What popped up.
While she was saying
It’s
“Just a baby”.
Pushing a stroller 
At sixteen thinking it’s
Just one. Outrageous
They became. Still
Together five years later
Saying to herself,
“Having another” 
baby.
Abuse swings across
Her smooth skin.
The force beginning
To fight back,
“Saying I’m in”
love.
When I look around time passed. 
Abuse gets worse.
Jazzy leaves. He calls.
Baby I’m sorry
I won’t do it
No more. But she’s 
Still
“Getting abused”.
Time passed. It’s 
Been three years
And Jazzy’s still there. 
Too scared. But yet she 
Says she’s in
Love,
“In fear”.

Lady Slim, age 16

This is how I feel about my best friend and her boyfriend.

Why must you take so much from him?
What makes you think he cares?
He’s constantly hurting you and
When he’s not, he’s never there.
You deserve so much more;
You know what I’m saying is true.
Instead of trying to console you
He ends up beating you.
I hate to see you cry.
I hate to see you so weak.
I don’t understand, you say you’re strong,
Don’t you see that you’re close to defeat?
It’s never too late my friend.
You can leave at any time.
I’m tired of seeing you hurt.
I’m tired of seeing you cry.
I don’t understand why you let it continue, 
And when I asked you, you said it’s ‘cause he said, “Baby, I never meant to hurt you.”

Binx, age 17

It was a guy I once knew. He appeared to be Prince Charming. He was graceful, kind, and all the above. Just to hide his devilish side.

When his time ran out, and his cover was blown, his Queen was already in too deep. She fell under his spell and dwelled on the past. Not realizing it was gone. 

From that day on she felt worth nothing, ‘cause all he ever did was talk her down. She let him in and he used it against her, to make him feel worthwhile. He said he loved her, then he pushed her. He said sorry, then he slapped her. He wanted sex, so he made her. As each day passed on, each day got longer. The violence got worse, the lies got stronger.

She loved him so much she held on longer.
He said he loved her. He said it was the anger. 
He said he couldn’t control it, he said she was in no danger. But if he really meant no danger then why the hell did he try to strangle her?

As she tries to work it out, she yells whenever he walks out. He won’t listen. He won’t compromise. All he can see is in his eyes. He wants her only for him. He never wants to let her go because she loves him so. 

He says how good she is to him, then he says how much he doesn’t need her. And when he calms down, he says he didn’t know what he was saying. When she asks him why he does it, he says “So she won’t know how much her worth is.” 

He wants her down, so she won’t go because he knows she loves him so.

Nena, age 17

I have a boyfriend. He’s always doing everything good so that I won’t get mad. We’ve been living together for about five months. I’m always cooking for him, washing his clothes; you know, doing everything around the house. But sometimes I don’t feel like doing none of that and he’ll get mad and walk out of the house. He has to understand that I get tired. I go to school from 9:00 to 4:00 o’clock and from 6:00 to 9:00 o’clock. It’s too much but it seems like he’s used to going home and finding everything clean. But in order to do so, he’ll have to give me a hand because it takes two to make a couple…

Alone, age 16

“I didn’t mean to hurt you”
is what he said to me.
But all this doubt and wondering
Makes me have anxiety.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you”
is what he said when he was lying
“I didn’t mean to hurt you”
Is what he said after he called me his #1 dime.
(Sorry) I don’t mean to cry,
but it’s hurting me inside.
I wish I had a friend to talk to
Because this pain is killing me inside.
I hope I live to see tomorrow
Because today is just another pain
I wish tomorrow and forever
Could all just change, or go away.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you”
Is what he said to me
Then three days later I was 
Just his sad memory.
Before these three days ended
His last words to me were 
“I didn’t mean to hurt you”
and I’m so very sorry
I hope my soul went to
Heaven and not hell.
Because in the eyes of God
is what I lived for.
I am sorry I am gone is
What she said to me, but
How my best friend died
Still remains a mystery.
R.I.P.
D.D.
4/22/89 – 5/17/03 

Ms. Tweety, age 16

I know a girl named Suzie. She had a boyfriend named Carlos. He was the sweetest thing walking on two feet. Every girl wanted Carlos for themselves. Carlos and Susie had been dating for a year and everything was great. He asked her to marry him and she said yes. Two days before the wedding they got into an argument and he slapped her. Then he told her “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” He also said that when they get married it won’t happen again. After the wedding they went on a honeymoon. On the first day of the honeymoon he slapped her for not putting on what he bought for her as a gift. Suzie always kept a gun at her side. She was shocked that he hit her. She took the gun out and pointed it at him. She said, “I thought you didn’t mean to hurt me,” just when he was about to say “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” She shot him twice in the head, for the two times he slapped her. Then she put the dress on and turned the gun on herself.

Sexy Face, age 17

I am in a relationship. When I was sixteen years old my boyfriend raped me. The way I feel is that I was the one who made him do it. I am still with him. Since last year every time I try to talk to him, he gets very abusive. Now we are only talking on the phone. I don’t think anybody will believe me. That’s the way I feel. If I do tell someone, I think my boyfriend will get very abusive.

Nikki, age 16 

I had a boyfriend who was abusive towards me. I was sixteen and he was eighteen years old. He has anger problems that he always used to take out on me. I felt as if he was trying to hurt me, and I was lost and afraid. I told him that he shouldn’t do what he’s doing to me but he blames things on me. When I told him that I’m leaving our relationship because it wasn’t working out he told me he would kill me. I was scared and didn’t know what to do. But I knew that I could not stay with him. I had to let someone that’s older than me know what’s going on so for the rest of my life I wouldn’t be scared or in an abusive relationship with someone that doesn’t love, trust, or believe in me. 

Ms. Reese, age 16

I am tired of the pushing and shoving. 
I am tired of the tears.
I thought you were the one
who I can tell my fears.
But I see you betrayed me
And left me all alone.
And now I can’t stay here
Because our house is not a home.
How could you say you love me
And break me down the next day?
How could you let something so strong
End up fading away?
I hate to admit it,
Because I thought our love was true.
How dare you expect me to take you back
When all you said was:
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 
*****
I am tired of being pushed and shoved and I’m tired of crying. When we first met I though he was the one I could talk to about my fears. But after a year I left him because we were always fighting and I no longer felt safe in my home.

Animosity, age 16

Once when I was out with my friends Sarah and Isaac, Isaac got drunk and hit Sarah. I felt so angry I went ballistic because I wanted to step up for her. I thought “nobody does that to my friend.” I wanted to know what he was thinking. But when I asked him, his words whispered out of his mouth like drool, he was so drunk. I couldn’t believe that Sarah felt sorry for him. I thought, “How can you love a man that is so ignorant and irresponsible?” I told Sarah that nobody should be treated like that – it’s abuse, it breaks the trust of the relationship. But she’s still with him.