District 3, Pace Center for Girls-Workshop 1

Narratives by the students of the Pace Center for Girls.

Workshop 1                  Workshop 2

Magic, age 16

Jeff and Sarah were in a relationship they didn’t want people to know about. When their relationship got out, things got bad. People would tell Jeff that Sarah was cheating on him and he would take it out on her physically. He destroyed her in every way. Every time I saw Sarah, she had a bruise on her somewhere. Jeff also controlled her life by making it so she couldn’t go out of the house. She had no friends at all. I met Sarah in the middle of their relationship. We became very close friends. We were always together. Jeff didn’t like me because I was a lesbian. He thought Sarah and I had something going on. Over and over I told her to leave him. One time he heard us talking and he beat the hell out of her, and me. To get him off of us, Sarah cut Jeff in the neck. By the time we called the police and they arrived, he was dead. No one was charged. It went down as self defense and we got off. Until this day, I feel like he’s watching us. 

Lady Slim, age 16

This is how I feel about my best friend and her boyfriend.

Why must you take so much from him?
What makes you think he cares?
He’s constantly hurting you and
When he’s not, he’s never there.
You deserve so much more;
You know what I’m saying is true.
Instead of trying to console you
He ends up beating you.
I hate to see you cry.
I hate to see you so weak.
I don’t understand, you say you’re strong,
Don’t you see that you’re close to defeat?
It’s never too late my friend.
You can leave at any time.
I’m tired of seeing you hurt.
I’m tired of seeing you cry.
I don’t understand why you let it continue, 
And when I asked you, you said it’s ‘cause he said, “Baby, I never meant to hurt you.”

Sarah, age 16

“My Relationship With a Lover”

My relationship with my lover was devastating. He was cheating on me with Her, and lying about everything. Every second of every day with him was a fight. I was sick of it. I left him for more than three months. He cried to be back with me. He said he regretted his relationship with Her. I gave him a second chance – a last chance. It’s been four months since we got back together and our relationship became very serious. We fell I love with each other. He gave me a promise ring. It’s so good to get a second chance, he said.

Safari, age 17

I didn’t mean to hurt you
Is what he said to me,
I didn’t mean to hurt you
Was said when I wouldn’t accept his apology.
I didn’t man to hurt you
Was cried when I said he and I were through.
I didn’t mean to hurt you
Was yelled, when he noticed there was nothing he could do
To change my mind
Because I’m getting fed up
While you’re running out of time.
You say you love me
Yet you can’t keep your claws off me.
And we’re not talking sexually.
I didn’t mean to hurt you 
Is what you consistently say to me,
Between the lines are where you need to read.
For far too long, I’ve let you continuously abuse me
You’d leave me with scars, bruises or injuries
No sense of my self being, crushed feelings,
plus a low self-esteem
No matter how much I may nag
I am not your punching bag
And by the way, beating me doesn’t make you a man
It only defines you as manure and trash.
I am not the springs to your mattress
to keep you real comfy.
You’re a very experienced boxer
But I’m more important than you.
I’m the rope around the ring that keeps you steady.

Teirra, age 17

They would fight and fight
And I would hear her cry at night
And in the morning act like everything was alright.

When I asked her about it, 
she would say everything was good.
She stays with him because he took her out of the hood.

I hated when they fought
But there was never any blood.
Today there was blood everywhere.
All over the room, 
The sight I couldn’t bear.

She was lying on the floor
Blood covered her.
I couldn’t tell who she was any more.

What did you do to her?
I didn’t mean to hurt her, is what he said.
Things got out of control.
I’m writing you this with life and no parole.

I killed him
Three days later.

Binx, age 17

It was a guy I once knew. He appeared to be Prince Charming. He was graceful, kind, and all the above. Just to hide his devilish side.

When his time ran out, and his cover was blown. His Queen was already in too deep. She fell under his spell and dwelled on the past. Not realizing it was gone. From that day on she felt worth nothing, ‘cause all he ever did was talk her down. 

She let him in and he used it against her, to make him feel worthwhile. He said he loved her, then he pushed her. He said sorry, then he slapped her. He wanted sex, so he made her. As each day passed on, each day got longer. The violence got worse, the lies got stronger.

She loved him so much she held on longer.
He said he loved her. He said it was the anger. 
He said he couldn’t control it, he said she was in no danger. But if he really meant no danger then why the hell did he try to strangle her?

As she tries to work it out, she yells whenever he walks out. He won’t listen. He won’t compromise. All he can see is in his eyes. He wants her only for him. He never wants to let her go because she loves him so. 

He says how good she is to him, then he says how much he doesn’t need her. And when he calms down, he says he didn’t know what he was saying. When she asks him why he does it, he says “So she won’t know how much her worth is.” 

He wants her down, so she won’t go because he knows she loves him so.

Vanessa, age 16

If you didn’t mean to hurt me
I think you’d make me smile.
You wouldn’t make me cry at night,
You’d make this S*** worthwhile.
And when I’d try to call you, you
Would have picked up the phone
Instead of making me feel so low
While I’m in my room alone.
If you didn’t mean to hurt me
You wouldn’t have other girls,
While telling me I was the only 
Female who resided in your world.
If you didn’t mean to hurt me
You’d put me before your friends
So I’d know I have you to count on
And on you I can depend.
If you didn’t mean to hurt me, why
Didn’t you ever care?
My friends told me you were bad news,
And I’d just ignore them and stare.
But now I’m with another man who 
Cares like you said you did.
He planned out a future for both of us
Including a couple of kids.
You swore you’d stay right by my side
And we were meant to be,
I hope my new guy doesn’t turn out like you
‘Cause he, too, says he won’t ever hurt me.

Waldeline, age 16

I didn’t mean to hurt you,
But you made me cry.
I didn’t mean to hurt you,
But you made me mad.
I didn’t mean to hurt you, but
You broke my heart and left
Me by myself. 
You told me you love me and shoved my face. I didn’t mean to hurt you, was the last thing you said to me.
You embarrass me, called me stupid and put me
down but yet you said that you love me and you wouldn’t hurt me.
I didn’t mean to hurt you,
but I have to let you go.

Sexy Red, age 16

When I saw my best friend get hit I didn’t say anything, but I wanted to slap him in his face. I wanted to tell him to go to hell. But all I could do was sit there and not open my mouth. But still I cried. I wanted to call the cops, but they probably wouldn’t help. Seeing my best friend hurt, hurt me so bad. But I couldn’t talk to him. If I could, I would tell him that he was wrong to do her like that. I would say, “If you love her you wouldn’t hit her.” And then I would say, “The next time you hit her, I WILL call the cops on you.”

Ke-Ke, age 15

My name is Ke-Ke, but people call me Lil One or Black Black. I was in a personal relationship with this guy by the name of Willie. Everything started off so good for the first two months that we were together. He used to honor, obey, cherish, and respect me. He gave me anything I wanted. Then the third month he asked me a question and I gave him an honest answer. He swung at my face with his fist. I was shocked because he never hit me before. Me, the type of person I am, I swung back and we began to fight. From that point on, me and Willie was fighting very often. I believed that made me love him more. In the next few months he started calling me names and bad words. I used to cry, cry, and cry because I liked and loved him so much. I used to sneak away from my house to see my love fellow. Then, one time he pulled a gun to my head. He was laughing and joking around, claiming that he was just playing. I decided to separate from him because of that reason, because I felt he shouldn’t play with me like that. But yet I was very miserable without him. 

Tweety, age 16

“Stop that!” I say. What did she do?”
Why are you being so cruel?
I asked her why she won’t leave him right now,
This is not new.
He doesn’t love you if he’s acting like a fool.
He shoves, grabs, hits, kicks, and pushes you around.
And yet you lie like a lifeless dog on the ground!
I am your friend, just trying to tell you he’s wrong.
This has been going on for too long.
I hate, and despise what he’s doing to you.
You think this is love, you are puzzled and confused.
You can’t wear what you want.
He repeatedly embarrasses you with taunts.
You can’t go outside your house.
You’re living and being treated worse than a mouse.
How can you say he loves you today,
When he tried to strangle you yesterday.
He makes frequent promises to change
Yet he’s still exactly the same.
How can you stay with that fool?
When the only thing he has to say when
You are crying is “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

Pinkalishas, age 15

A special person to me has been in multiple relationships. This person has very low self esteem. When she was younger she was forced into a car and raped. She ran away from home, sold and bought drugs. She had four children with three different men who abused her physically, mentally and emotionally. She is now married to a wonderful man who is a good husband and stepfather to her children. She is in the Church and has a better life.

Nina, age 16

In the seventh grade I was going out with this boy named Ray Ray. Ray Ray seemed like a laid back person that would never hurt anyone. But boy, was I wrong. The first week we were going out, everything was great. But later on, about a week and a half, he started to get very playful. But not playful as in playing, but as in with his hands. He started by grabbing my arm and leaving marks. He told me that I couldn’t go out with certain people and that I couldn’t wear certain types of clothes. Then he started punching me, leaving me with big bruises.

What started out as playful arguing became verbal abuse. Then play hitting, became physical abuse. What started out as loving concern, became demanding control. Until I couldn’t take it anymore and I lost control and stabbed him with a pencil. I got suspended from school. 

Allison, age 17

My cuzzin and her baby daddy were together for a long time. He used to beat her up. When I was ten years old I saw him do it and I would cry. I used to run and tell my mom, but when I did she didn’t do anything because she told me it’s no use calling the police, because she will be right back with him tomorrow. She has to see for herself that he isn’t any good. But one day she came around and saw that the only thing he was doing was putting her down, and she left him. Now she is doing much better. She has four kids and no man, but as they say, “You can do bad all by yourself.” But for the record, she is doing really great.